I've decided to delete this blog by the end of this week. Euthanasia of sorts because it feels like deleting a huge part of who I am. But it's the same reason why Cynically Yours has to die. I've become so bogged down in being a self proclaimed cynic that it has led to confusion as I grew up and my ideas changed. I'm not so cynical anymore about certain things and more cynical than ever about other things. But one thing is for sure, cynic does not describe me anymore. And so, it's time to lay it to rest.
But now that I'm actually doing this, it is so much harder than I thought. What started off as an exercise in venting out my opinion about certain things has expanded to so much more. I've made new friends, there are people who recognize me or my name (this can be good or bad depending on the situation) and I've shared so much more here than I do with people I know offline.
I will blog again for sure but I don't know how long it will take for me to create another blog or want to write things of a personal nature. I wish I could just stop blogging without deleting this blog but I feel as if I need to completely let go of it. All the posts have been backed up so that one day I can go back and remember what it was like to be in my early 20's, what it was like to stand up to people, what it was like to be naively passionate and passionately naive about certain things, what it was like to fall in love, what it was like to create controversy, what it was like to dwell in self pity and what it was like to be part of such a special community.
Speaking of which, I want to thank all my readers who have stuck by me since 2006. Whether it was the positive and encouraging comments or the negative and hateful comments, it has been quite an experience. There are loyal readers who comment regularly or email me and thank you very much for taking your time to read the rants of a slightly emo (who am I kidding!) neurotic woman.
So this is it from me. The blog will disappear towards the end of this week. I'm going to miss this, and you, a whole fucking lot. Hope I'll be missed too, at least by some :)
Cynically Yours (for the last time),
sach
Monday, August 24, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
In Sync
They were having their morning tea and chatting about something or the other as they always do. Unbeknown to them, they were both swinging their feet to the same rhythm. To me, it was a moment that encapsulated their relationship and this was my attempt at capturing it.
After being together for almost 40 years and married for 24 of those, they are the reason why I believe in the possibility of a successful long term relationship and also the same reason why I'm wary of the idea of lifelong commitment.
My parents.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
sexuality and labels
a while back someone asked me whether i'm straight or gay (because i'm a feminazi and chopped my hair off? :P ). i said i don't know anymore and that i honestly don't care either. i have always been attracted to both men and women but the few times this has come up in conversation, people have always tried to label it. i'm far from being a free spirit so i won't claim to be one. i come from a conservative family and the older i grow, the clearer it becomes how petty some of my hangups are, some which i've been conditioned to as i grew up and some which i've acquired from those i associate with.i have been and still am, guilty of labelling people, especially when i meet someone for the first time and they are immediately labelled as "kindred spirit or not". most of the time my instincts prove to be right but there are those times when i'm proved to be completely wrong.
so i'm in no position to preach at others for putting labels on people but just wondering, is it necessary to designate a label to each person when it comes to their sexuality? it certainly makes things clear cut and easier when it comes to dating :P but on a deeply personal level, whether you are 100% sure about your sexual orientation or confused, do you find it necessary to say 'this is what i am' and put a label on it? or are you simply in denial when you say you don't believe in labels?
p.s - special prize if you write a post repeating 'label' more than this post.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Going North
Due to a variety of reasons, I'm unable to make a detailed post about my visit to Cheddikulam and Mannar. But there are a few observations I want to make along with some of the photos I managed to shoot. Please don't reproduce the text or the photos anywhere for any purpose.
From Medawachchiya to Cheddikulam
Medawachchiya Railway Station
Children
It is amazing how children adapt to any situation they find themselves in. There were some who were obviously under severe psychological trauma, like one toddler at a hospital who just stared after us with a blank look and didn't respond to any of us. But most of the kids I met were happy and smiling. While conditions at camps could be better, they were provided adequately with small sized children's parks, volleyball nets, toys, etc. Even during the middle of the day, there were kids playing on the swings and the see-saws while a few adults looked on. And what was unnerving and at the same time heartening was that those smiles were happier and more genuine than most smiles I normally see, including my own.
Women
Being the feminazi that I supposedly am, I didn't pay much attention to the men I saw and therefore only have observations about the women. Most of them wore blank expressions which made it impossible to figure out what they were feeling or thinking. In fact, comparing them to the women at the Tsunami IDP camps I worked at in the South, I sensed a completely different psyche. To use a colloquial term, they are "tough nuts" who didn't beg us for anything nor asked for help. There were female vendors selling peanuts, sweets, toys, trinkets, etc. There were vegetable patches outside most tents which provided them with something to add to each meal and made me think, albeit slightly guiltily, about barnbuddy. Most of the women were cleanly and neatly dressed with properly combed hair and wore their kadukkan (ear studs) with pride. It showed how urgent resettlement is because many showed signs of having known a better life. There was a strong air of resilience in each camp, probably due to survival skills honed by years of war.
Soldiers
I have to say something about the soldiers manning the countless bunkers that were located on each of the roads we traveled on, whether it was from Medawachchiya to Cheddikulam or Cheddikulam to Mannar. I can't speak for everyone but I certainly hadn't thought about how different those would be compared to checkpoints and bunkers I've seen around the rest of the country. The roads run through thick neverending forest. Every few hundred feet there are army bunkers intermittently on either side of the road. There is usually one soldier inside the bunker and a few others covering the distance between it and the next bunker. From the looks of it, even with shift changes, they live in those bunkers for several days. Water and food seem to be provided by the main army base in the area because I saw many bathing or washing clothes by the side of their respective bunkers. The sweltering hot weather combined with the isolated nature of their job made me appreciate them so much more. The same guys who were standing on guard when we drove in the direction of Mannar in the afternoon still remained like that when we returned late in the night. It made you think about how much harder and dangerous their job must have been when the war was raging on. I don't think I did justice to what they do by this short description so it's probably something you have to see in order to appreciate.
Mannar
Mannar was beautiful. Heartbreakingly beautiful because it still hasn't recovered from the ravages of war. There are empty shells of houses, buildings with parts blown off, just foundation stones, abandoned schools, twisted transformers and so many signs of a town still reeling from what it has been through. These sights are juxtaposed with one of the most beautiful coasts I've ever seen in this country. The vast beach reminded me a little of the deserts in Dubai. Who knows, maybe in a few years we'd be able to ride dune buggies in the Mannar beach. The construction work of the peace bridge is going on but the Mannar town is still just short of being a ghost town. The marketplace is slowly becoming active but security is still very tight and it will probably be a few years before Mannar is restored even to a fraction of its former glory.
The Giant Baobab Tree 
Mannar Cream House :D
These are just a few of my observations. I probably haven't done justice to most of what I saw and how those things changed my perspective on certain things so just for the record I'll state that they did :) I hope I get to go back several more times because even if I can't play an effective role in making things better for these people, I can at least record what I saw for posterity.
From Medawachchiya to Cheddikulam
Medawachchiya Railway Station
Children
It is amazing how children adapt to any situation they find themselves in. There were some who were obviously under severe psychological trauma, like one toddler at a hospital who just stared after us with a blank look and didn't respond to any of us. But most of the kids I met were happy and smiling. While conditions at camps could be better, they were provided adequately with small sized children's parks, volleyball nets, toys, etc. Even during the middle of the day, there were kids playing on the swings and the see-saws while a few adults looked on. And what was unnerving and at the same time heartening was that those smiles were happier and more genuine than most smiles I normally see, including my own.
Women
Being the feminazi that I supposedly am, I didn't pay much attention to the men I saw and therefore only have observations about the women. Most of them wore blank expressions which made it impossible to figure out what they were feeling or thinking. In fact, comparing them to the women at the Tsunami IDP camps I worked at in the South, I sensed a completely different psyche. To use a colloquial term, they are "tough nuts" who didn't beg us for anything nor asked for help. There were female vendors selling peanuts, sweets, toys, trinkets, etc. There were vegetable patches outside most tents which provided them with something to add to each meal and made me think, albeit slightly guiltily, about barnbuddy. Most of the women were cleanly and neatly dressed with properly combed hair and wore their kadukkan (ear studs) with pride. It showed how urgent resettlement is because many showed signs of having known a better life. There was a strong air of resilience in each camp, probably due to survival skills honed by years of war.
Soldiers
I have to say something about the soldiers manning the countless bunkers that were located on each of the roads we traveled on, whether it was from Medawachchiya to Cheddikulam or Cheddikulam to Mannar. I can't speak for everyone but I certainly hadn't thought about how different those would be compared to checkpoints and bunkers I've seen around the rest of the country. The roads run through thick neverending forest. Every few hundred feet there are army bunkers intermittently on either side of the road. There is usually one soldier inside the bunker and a few others covering the distance between it and the next bunker. From the looks of it, even with shift changes, they live in those bunkers for several days. Water and food seem to be provided by the main army base in the area because I saw many bathing or washing clothes by the side of their respective bunkers. The sweltering hot weather combined with the isolated nature of their job made me appreciate them so much more. The same guys who were standing on guard when we drove in the direction of Mannar in the afternoon still remained like that when we returned late in the night. It made you think about how much harder and dangerous their job must have been when the war was raging on. I don't think I did justice to what they do by this short description so it's probably something you have to see in order to appreciate.
Mannar
Mannar was beautiful. Heartbreakingly beautiful because it still hasn't recovered from the ravages of war. There are empty shells of houses, buildings with parts blown off, just foundation stones, abandoned schools, twisted transformers and so many signs of a town still reeling from what it has been through. These sights are juxtaposed with one of the most beautiful coasts I've ever seen in this country. The vast beach reminded me a little of the deserts in Dubai. Who knows, maybe in a few years we'd be able to ride dune buggies in the Mannar beach. The construction work of the peace bridge is going on but the Mannar town is still just short of being a ghost town. The marketplace is slowly becoming active but security is still very tight and it will probably be a few years before Mannar is restored even to a fraction of its former glory.
The Giant Baobab Tree 
Mannar Cream House :D These are just a few of my observations. I probably haven't done justice to most of what I saw and how those things changed my perspective on certain things so just for the record I'll state that they did :) I hope I get to go back several more times because even if I can't play an effective role in making things better for these people, I can at least record what I saw for posterity.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
a short note
got back home this morning after visiting Cheddikulam (Menic Farm IDP camps) and Mannar. it was quite an experience. will write a post later, once I've had time to gather my thoughts.
I can say one thing though, many of the people at the camps are the most resilient and resourceful people I have ever met in this country. vegetable patches growing outside tents would vouch for that. or the fact that out of the thousands of people we met or passed by there, only a handful acted like beggars or freeloaders as opposed to people who still freeload in the name of the Tsunami.
my perception of many things has changed after this short trip and I sincerely hope it's not a phase and that it has added some depth to my frivolous self :) expect a longer post in a week or so. cheers.
I can say one thing though, many of the people at the camps are the most resilient and resourceful people I have ever met in this country. vegetable patches growing outside tents would vouch for that. or the fact that out of the thousands of people we met or passed by there, only a handful acted like beggars or freeloaders as opposed to people who still freeload in the name of the Tsunami.
my perception of many things has changed after this short trip and I sincerely hope it's not a phase and that it has added some depth to my frivolous self :) expect a longer post in a week or so. cheers.
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